-2- AM and she calls me..

I think from now on I'll just steer clear of posting any entries that had to do with any of my friends. That never gets me anywhere and I don't know what to say to make anything better, I've never been good at telling people what they wanna hear and I've never been good at keeping friends anyways.

So I'll stick to now.

And NOW- I can't sleep. I have that damned audition tomorrow for Radio and TV Broadcasting, then seven days after that I'll know if I talk well enough for the air force. And if I don't- oh well, I've already passed the Class 3 Flight Physical to be in ATC (Air Traffic Control) and that's what everybody wants to be in anyway.

I'm just mother fucking nervous that I won't articulate as well as I should. That I won't anonciate and drop my jaw and all that stuff that Mrs Endicott always taught me. And if I don't- then I don't. And if I fuck up, then I do, and that's all I can do. It's meant to be.

And NOW- I can't lay in bed without crying like a little baby. My heart just continually tears in half about Cody leaving. Part of me is excited, the other part is paralyzed in fear.

Our apartment has our sofa, our tv, and our mattresses. Everything else is at his parents' and when he gets out of here, I'll go live with my mom. I almost went to my dad's, but there's too much drama in that place and I don't play into that hand.

Things are gonna get better. I get up at 6 and I run my butt around Stonebridge Ranch and the world always seems a little different.

Don't get me down, I'm already there, but I'm not stayin' for long.